1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
