There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
