Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
