i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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