moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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