When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
