So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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