I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you never un-have a 4some
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
