i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm at about main and main street
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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