she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
