I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
