You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize