We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
