dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
