Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
