Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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