I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My balls are so social today.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
