hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize