Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize