I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
