you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
