Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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