I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize