His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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