Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
