I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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