Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
