call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
