You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
