Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
