Someone shit on the floor
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They took my balls.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
