At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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