i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
