Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize