i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just had sex on a roof
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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