You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
