Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
