dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
