i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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