Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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