I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
