I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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