He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
