I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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