She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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