Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
