I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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