I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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