I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
