Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize