Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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