turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
