Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize