you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
