The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the day after is always just damage control
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
