did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
