I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
God I need to hump something, right now.
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