Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
