yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize