I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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