I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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