I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
