Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
