I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize