Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
