And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize