yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
