The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
