My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
