I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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