So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
