my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
