Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
