i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize