You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
