Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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