i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
not ubering you a puppy
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