Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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