I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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