doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
