One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize