Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
