Is it because I queefed?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
