i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
worst night to have a conscience
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
