oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
