Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize