i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
