You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
