Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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