Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize