Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
