he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
