Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize