he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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