i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I looked at my own cervix.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hippo gnu deer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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