I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
