I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
