I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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