Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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