Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
