so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
