insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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