READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
