i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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