i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
