I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
