new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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