I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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