First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
