i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
